A Lesson in Conflict Resolution - 1 Samuel 25

A common line amongst ministers is, seminary didn’t teach me that. The reality is, seminary, as helpful and beneficial it was for me, it didn’t prepare me for everything nor could it. 

But one thing seminary didn’t prepare me for is just how much conflict happens in the church. Did you know that sometimes there’s conflict in the church? None of you seem very surprised to hear that. I’m being sarcastic, but it is a sad truth. It shouldn’t be that way, but of course, it is. At times the most contentious, soul crushing fights take place in the church.  

The church—God’s family, His people—can sometimes become a hotbed of conflict. And I hate to say it, but sometimes we Presbyterians can be the worst offenders. Don’t believe me? Come to a presbytery meeting sometime.

So much of the ministry of the church is about pursuing peace and reconciliation in the midst of conflict. 

Often God brings peace in dramatic unexpected fashion, which is what we just read about. God used a wise, courageous woman named Abigail to bring peace to an escalating conflict.  

Our passage is a lesson in conflict resolution. Which is the basic outline for our passage this morning: First, we read of the conflict in verses 1-13, second, we see the mediation in verses 14-31, and then a resolution in verses 32-44.

That’s what we’re going to look at today. Because if we’re honest, we’ve all been in David’s shoes. We’ve all had moments where the offense was real, our anger was hot, and we were ready to say or do something we’d regret. But what we see in 1 Samuel 25 is a powerful lesson in listening to godly counsel, in humility, and in letting the Lord handle what only He can.

Two weeks ago, we looked at how David spared Saul’s life in 1 Samuel 24. Remember? Saul, by sheer providence, walked into the very cave where David and his men were hiding. And from the perspective of David’s men, this was the moment—the perfect opportunity to get revenge. It seemed like a God-given chance to end David’s suffering and take the throne.

But instead of taking Saul’s life, David spared it – and he spared it because Saul was the Lord’s anointed. David knew that God had put Saul on the throne, and it wasn’t his place to remove him. Killing Saul would have been an act of rebellion—not just against the king, but against God Himself. So instead, David cut off a corner of Saul’s robe to prove he meant him no harm. Because David understood something crucial: vengeance belongs to the Lord.

The Conflict (vv. 1–13)

Which is a stark contrast from the David in 1 Samuel 25. The David of 1 Samuel 24 believed vengeance to be sinful, but the David of 1 Samuel 25 is thinking a little bit differently. 

Now to be fair, it’s very likely that David was in a dark place. The faithful prophet Samuel had passed away, he was still hiding from Saul, despite the fact that he had gone out of his way to prove to Saul that he wasn’t out to get him. 

And despite all of that – not a lot had changed for him. He seemed nowhere near becoming king despite being anointed. He had continued to try to do the right thing and without his lot in life ever improving.

Which is precisely what happens here in 1 Samuel 25 as well. David and his men went out of their way to protect a rich man named Nabal’s sheep and shepherds. Again, David was trying to do the right thing, by protecting vulnerable shepherds. 

But as we learned from the text, Nabal wasn’t a kind man. Verse 3 tells us that Abigail, his wife, was “discerning and beautiful, but [Nabal] was harsh and behaved badly…”

The NASB provides a little more clarity on Abigail and Nabal’s character assessment. The NASB says Abigail was “intelligent and beautiful in appearance” but Nabal was “harsh and evil in his dealings.”

I guess opposites attract, because you can’t get much more opposite than Abigail and Nabal. Abigail was intelligent and discerning, while Nabal was an ruthless business man. The kind of man who would do anything to protect his wealth. 

Which is why you would expect him to be thankful for David and his men’s protection over his shepherds. They were protecting his wealth. Not only that, but when they approached Nabal for food and provisions it was during a feast day which was known as a time of abundance and generosity. 

It would seem on paper that their request for food and provisions was coming at the appropriate time. Which is why Nabal’s response was so shocking. Look at verse 10: He said, “Who is David? Who is the son of Jesse? There are many servants these days who are breaking away from their masters. 11 Shall I take my bread and my water and my meat that I have killed for my shearers and give it to men who come from I do not know where?”

Nabal referred to all of them as runaway slaves who had no right to his bread, his water, and his meat. 

His response is the exact sort of thing that Proverbs 15:1 warns against “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Nabal’s harsh words stirred up anger.

But I’m sure many of you probably already noticed that Nabal’s name literally means fool. Abigail mentions the meaning of his name in her speech to David in verse 25: “Let not my lord regard this worthless fellow, Nabal, for as his name is, so is he. Nabal is his name, and folly is with him.”

Nabal was a fool and everyone close to him knew it. Abigail knew it, his own servants knew it, and they also knew that it was only a matter of time before his foolishness and arrogance caught up with him. 

There’s no doubt that Nabal’s hostile response to David and his men was a recipe for disaster. After all, David and his men were warriors. And from a worldly, conventional wisdom perspective, there is one way warriors deal with arrogant, overconfident, condescending men – they kill them. 

When David’s men first spoke to Nabal in verse 6, they used the word peace three separate times, but in verse 13, peace has been replaced with sword.  “And David said to his men, “Every man strap on his sword!” And every man of them strapped on his sword. David also strapped on his sword.”

In verse 22, David said he wasn’t going to leave one male alive in Nabal’s house. 

The punishment he planned didn’t exactly fit the crime. And that’s because Nabal’s response had outraged David. And so David wasn’t looking for justice, David wanted revenge. He wanted to inflict more pain and suffering upon Nabal and his household than he had inflicted on them. 

David has already forgotten the lesson from chapter 24 – that vengeance is the Lord’s. I just finished reading through the Proverbs this month and came across Proverbs 20:22, ““Do not say, 'I will repay evil'; wait for the Lord, and he will deliver you.” 

David wanted to repay evil for evil. 

Let’s be honest, most of us understand David’s reaction all too well. When someone insults us, dismisses our efforts, or treats us unfairly, the temptation to get even can be overwhelming. Like David, we want to make them feel what we felt.

And it’s all so relatable how David, a man who showed incredible restraint in chapter 24 by sparing Saul and trusting God, would now, one chapter later, be totally prepared to take matters into his own hands. 

How quickly do we forget the promises of God and fall back on our own instincts? David had every right to be angry and frustrated, but to kill Nabal and his entire household – that would have been completely unjust! 

It doesn’t take long for righteous frustration to spill over into sinful vengeance.

Which is why Proverbs 20:22 is such a helpful word for us: “Do not say, ‘I will repay evil’; wait for the Lord, and he will deliver you.” Vengeance isn’t our job – it’s God’s. When we’re wronged, our calling isn’t to escalate the conflict but to trust that the Lord sees, the Lord knows, and the Lord will act.

Like David, we need to be reminded again and again that God’s justice is always better than our plans for vengeance. And we honor Him most, not when we strike back in retaliation, but when we wait on Him in faith.

The Mediation (vv. 14-31)

Which is why it’s so important to listen to godly voices in your life who don’t want to see you turn yourself over to sin. Which, again, is exactly what happens in our text. Abigail went to David to seek peace. Again, this is a lesson for conflict resolution, isn’t it? 

When Abigail found out from the servant that David intended harm against them she rushed to intervene. In verses 21-22 David was still breathing threats against them. “Surely in vain have I guarded all that this fellow has in the wilderness, so that nothing was missed of all that belonged to him, and he has returned me evil for good. 22 God do so to the enemies of David and more also, if by morning I leave so much as one male of all who belong to him.”

It is worth noting Abigail’s approach to achieving peace, because the first thing she did was demonstrate humility. 

When she met David and his men, she didn’t jump off her donkey and correct their understanding of the situation. The first thing she did was “[fall] before David on her face and bowed to the ground.”

Have you ever noticed that when a couple is at odds, it quickly turns into a cycle of blame? She’ll bring up that one thing he did last week—and maybe she’s right to be upset. But then he fires back, reminding her of that bigger thing she did last month. And around and around they go. Like two boxers in a ring, they circle each other, landing verbal jabs while defending their own ground. Where does it stop? Often, it doesn’t—at least not without some damage. And yet, if you ask either of them what they want, they’ll both say the same thing: “I just want peace and a healthy relationship.”

So what’s the problem?

The problem is that peace requires humility—and neither one wants to be the humble one first. Neither wants to lay down their pride. Each is waiting for the other to apologize, to soften, to make the first move. In their minds, being right has become more important than being reconciled. And so they would rather humiliate the other—by proving a point, by winning the argument—than humble themselves to make peace.

And this isn’t just true in marriage. It’s true in families, friendships, churches, even between nations. Pride escalates conflict. Humility softens it. Pride builds walls. Humility opens doors. Pride says, “You owe me.” Humility says, “I’ll go first.”

Demonstrating humility is absolutely key to finding peace in the midst of conflict, which is exactly what Abigail did! But she didn’t stop there. She also took responsibility. 

Now to be fair, it was her husband who caused the offense, but nevertheless, she took responsibility on his behalf and then proceeded to speak very transparently about Nabal’s foolish character.

“Let not my lord regard this worthless fellow, Nabal, for as his name is, so is he. Nabal is his name, and folly is with him.”

Nabal’s arrogant response put his entire household in grave danger – and here’s Abigail, his wife, acknowledging that he should have never done that. It was foolish.

It was only after expressing humility and taking responsibility did she then offer a few words of wisdom. Because even if you’re right in what you say, if you aren’t willing to empathize and understand how someone was hurt, more often than not, they won’t be willing to listen! 

In verses 26-31, Abigail warned David that if he followed through with killing Nabal and his household, he would bring bloodguilt upon himself – that is, he would be guilty of shedding innocent blood. And so, she urged him not to take vengeance into his own hands, but to let the Lord deal with his enemies. Her point is that premeditated revenge would stain his conscience and his future reign, but by showing restraint, David would honor before God.

Her point is ultimately a spiritual one: a vengeful, hostile attitude toward others disrupts your communion with God. That’s not to say your salvation depends on being at peace with everyone—but it is to say that a heart consumed with anger, bitterness, or vengeance is in a spiritually dangerous place because a heart consumed with vengeance has little room for worshiping the living God.

Abigail's warning to David is a gentle but firm reminder: Don’t let your anger lead to sin. Don’t allow your desire for revenge to disrupt your walk with God.

Because your horizontal relationships affect your vertical one. 

This is exactly Jesus’ point in Matthew 5 if “your brother has something against you, 24 leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.”

Don’t be so naive to think that your desire for vengeance and retaliation will have no impact on your walk with God. It may seem that it will only affect you and the other person, but the truth is, it will affect your very soul.

The Resolution (vv. 32-44) 

We obviously know how David responded to Abigail’s counsel – he embraced it.

Look at his response in verses 32-35:

“Blessed be the Lord, the God of Israel, who sent you this day to meet me! 33 Blessed be your discretion, and blessed be you, who have kept me this day from bloodguilt and from working salvation with my own hand! 34 For as surely as the Lord, the God of Israel, lives, who has restrained me from hurting you, unless you had hurried and come to meet me, truly by morning there had not been left to Nabal so much as one male.” 35 Then David received from her hand what she had brought him. And he said to her, “Go up in peace to your house. See, I have obeyed your voice, and I have granted your petition.”

Not that long ago, someone (that shall remain anonymous) told me that as he got older he expected his kids to reach out to him from time to time for advice… and he just kept waiting and waiting and waiting…. His kids are millennials like me – we don’t need any advice because we have it all figured out. I’m kidding of course.

Don’t we all want to be wise sages who offer timely, well-thought-out nuggets of wisdom? But true wisdom isn’t just about giving good advice from time to time—it’s also shown in our willingness to ask and receive counsel from others.

David recognized the wisdom in Abigail’s words, which is quite remarkable when you consider the circumstances. Here’s this woman, whom he’s never met, who's married to the very man who had disrespected him and his men. Not to mention, women in the ancient world were second class citizens, and here she is giving the future king in Israel a few pointers. 

In many ways, it’s set up for him to ignore her advice. She’s married to Nabal, why should he care what she thinks? But the wise counsel wasn’t from Abigail was it? Her wise counsel was from the Lord and David recognized it as just that! 

Verse 32, “Blessed be the Lord, the God of Israel, who sent you this day to meet me!” David saw her for what she was – an instrument in the hands of the Lord. 

Or verse 34, “...the Lord, the God of Israel, lives, who has restrained me…” 

David received Abigail’s advice not to get his revenge on Nabal the fool. And what happened? God took care of him. Nabal died in a dramatic fashion didn’t he? Abigail told him what happened and the Lord took him.

The Lord will bring about perfect justice according to his timeline.

Your ability to receive advice reveals a lot about your character. It’s easy to accept counsel from those you love and respect—but what about those you don’t know well or may not hold in high regard? Isn’t it tempting to dismiss input from a subordinate at work? Wise children listen to the voices of their parents, as Scripture instructs them to. But every now and then, even children may have something insightful to say to their parents. Mom, Dad—are you willing to hear it?

It’s hardest to receive counsel from those whom we think are “lower than us.” And yet, David had the wisdom and humility as well to recognize good godly counsel when he heard it. It didn’t matter who it came from, what was really important was the quality of what was being said. 

If God can speak his truth through the mouth of Balaam’s donkey, he’s certainly able to speak truth to you and me through those we may not know well or respect. The question is, can you receive it?

Those who heard Jesus experienced this too. Jesus spoke as no one had ever spoken before and yet, he didn’t look or act like what everyone expected from the Messiah.

It’s also at the end of this passage we get a glimpse of another one of David’s sins, don’t we? David was certainly prone to anger, but he also struggled with sexual temptation. He took Abigail as his wife, along with Ahinoam of Jezreel, and Saul’s daughter Michal was also his wife, but Saul gave her to another man. You can see the seeds of David’s sin with Bathsheba being planted here you? 

David was certainly a sinner. And that’s the real conflict, isn’t it? The ultimate battle is not just between two people with differing opinions. It’s not merely about egos, misunderstandings, or personality clashes. The deepest conflict in all of our lives is our sin—our rebellion against a perfect, holy, and just God.

And just as Abigail stood between David and disaster—offering herself, pleading for mercy, and bringing peace—so Jesus Christ has interceded for us. He stood in our place and took upon Himself the judgment our sins deserved. He didn’t just delay God's wrath; He absorbed it. On the cross, Jesus made peace between God and sinners, not by minimizing our guilt, but by paying for it in full.

So if God has resolved our greatest conflict—if He has made peace with us through Christ—how can we not pursue peace with one another? Conflict, even within the church is inevitable, but if we’ve been forgiven much, how can we not forgive? If we’ve received mercy, how can we withhold it?

Whenever we pursue peace we reflect the heart of our Savior. Amen. Let’s pray together.